Out of the Mouth of Babes Part 12

My five-year-old puts something in his mouth. Immediately makes a face, spits it out, and asks me what it is. “What? I don’t know? Why did you even put it in your mouth to begin with?”

“Uh, because I wanted to see what it tasted wike (like).”

BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!?!

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Toddler comes down the stairs with a lip gloss. “Wook mommy, my wips!”

“I see. Where did you get that?”

“Here!” she points to it.

“No, baby, where?”

“My wips!” she points.

{smacks head}

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Even though we have a large eight-seater dining room table, one night when my daughter had friends over, we put our five- and two-year-olds in the kitchen to eat at a small-sized fold-up Sponge Bob table and chair set. My toddler sat across from my kindergartner, nibbling pizza and giggling. My five-year-old looks up and says “It’s wike (like) we’re on a date.”

SAY WHAT!? Wha.. where the heck did he get that from at AGE FIVE!?

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I bend over to pick up the umpteenth toy today and I hear my five-year-old say, “I see London, I see shorts. I see mommy’s underpants!”

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While burping the baby, my five year old proclaims, “Mommy, he needs his gas!”

WHY!????

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As we were about to leave, I slipped my shoes on, foot-fetched my toddler’s shoes. I didn’t see my five-year-old’s shoes, so I assumed he had them on, and closed the closet door. He was right behind the door, looked to the closet,looked to me and cleared his throat, in a loud, attention-getting way, “AHEM!”

In trying to compose myself, he says, “Stop waffing (laughing)! What about my shoes?”

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