“Birdie Birth Control” – You Don’t Hear That One Every Day

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The @#*($&@#($@#*&$ birds are trying to make a nest on our porch again. The second I heard their evil, squawky peeps, I felt as though I had PTSD, and I immediately twitched tourrettes-like. I exploded out of the house, waved my hands like a freakin’ crazy lady and screamed “Get outta here!” My kids came […]

I Think The Medical Profession Hates Me

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There’s a reason why people are afraid to go to the doctor – they’re afraid. Some are afraid of needles. Some are afraid of the tests conducted (and even more afraid of the results). Some are afraid because they fear taking medications (and their side effects being worse than what they’re taking the medicines for […]

Hell Has a Name, It’s Called “Yesterday”

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Admittedly, in the waning days of summer, I let the house go. We were living too much in the moment, so busy with living these last summer days, I figured, once school started, that I’d get all Rambo on the chores and into Full House Cleaning Mode™. That is, until the enormity of the task […]

I Said the F Word Eighteen Times, and Daylight Savings Can Suck It

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My texts to husband-type-person this morning were not happy ones. Eigh. Teen. Times. I said the F word to him in texts. I know, what a potty mouth, that’s sooo bad. But look, when I, myself, get up ON TIME and go to fix my beloved coffee, realizing that it’s still dark upstairs, that means my […]

When Parents are Like Umbrellas

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The past week has been a flurry of activity, swirling around us like a dust cloud. I haven’t been as faithful to our family walks and staying active, and I have generally felt bogged down, burdened with the weight of the world seemingly pressing down onto me. Despite the overcast day and cool temperatures, today […]

Mornings From Hell™

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When it was told to us that my son’s football practice would be at 6:15am BEFORE SCHOOL, I panicked. Six kids would be sleeping, to include a fussy infant. What would I do? How would I work this? How COULD I do it? He didn’t know anyone else in our neighborhood on the team, and […]

The Stolen Owl

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I nervously clutched the yellow paper map the woman handed me. Her room was circled with her name written next to it. Room 109 right near the office. We took a slight detour, going through the other part of the school first, passing my son’s room, pointing out the library, eventually making way through the […]

Why Summer is Going To Kill Me

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12pm After mom puts the baby to sleep, she mistakenly thinks she can actually get some work done since the kids are amusing themselves outside. 12:11pm – Eight-year-old comes in proclaiming he’s “bored.” I instruct him that there are many things he can do, or he can do chores, but he will NOT play video […]

When An Ear Infection is Meningitis. Or Not. Part 2

Freedom

(Continued from Part 1) “I bet this is the first ambulance ride you’ve ever had for a patient who only has an ear infection, huh?” “Wait, what?” The EMT gripped his clipboard and pen tightly. “We were called for possible sepsis and meningitis.” “WHAT? What the hell is sepsis?!?” I yelled while gritting my teeth. […]

When An Ear Infection is Meningitis. Or Not. Part 1

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“Ma’am, if it’s all the same to you, we’ve been here over an hour waiting for this ambulance. This is getting ridiculous. We don’t even NEED one, we can drive ourselves.” “I’m told they’re here in the clinic somewhere. They’ll be here shortly. I promise.” The nurse responded, touching my arm compassionately. This old woman […]

Constant Interruptions and Taking Back the Quiet

NO-MORE-NICE-MOM

“Mommy? What does a butterfly’s legs look like?” My sweet-faced, girly-voiced five-year-old asked me, while coloring the big box I gave her so she could make a pretend car. “They’re small like..” “Princesses?” She interrupts. “No, baby. Let me finish. They’re like..” I attempt to continue. “Ladybugs?” Interrupting yet again. “Baby? Can I finish what I’m […]

Mom vs. The Kids – The Laundry Battle

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My newest post from my “Things That Make Mom Go Batshit” series. The kids’ I.O.D. illness has gotten substantially worse. I had to brace myself last night when fumbling through the last-minute laundry basket to sort clothing out. (Side *mom’s mental* note: Yes, I totally said “last-minute laundry basket.” I mean, what the hell, kids? […]

The Toilet Paper Analogy (and Why You Need It In Your Life)

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Are you the Toilet Paper Changer™ in your house, like I am? It drives me crazy, to no end, to plop my busy mom ass down on the seat, with haste, only to realize that you’re out of paper, and stuck. There are times, though, that I’ve found someone did me the honor of changing […]

F is for Fail (and for Feeling Fat)

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Losing weight.Eating right.Staying active.It’s one of my main focuses during my weight loss journey since 2008.I don’t think I can begin to explain to you the feelings of dread I feel when I step my bare feet onto the scale, only to see the numbers keep rising.Yes, I’m pregnant.Yes, I know I’m not big like […]

Guilt. And Crying.

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I sat, tucked away at my desk, slurping away at my morning coffee, trying to infuse some much-needed healing warmth into me while checking emails. Glancing at the 8-o’-clock time, knowing my already-two-hours of awakeness went horribly wrong already, feeling so dragged out from being sick for over a week with no relief, no sleep, […]

Eleventy Billion School Forms to Sign and Now Web Forms, Too? Gah!

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My daughter comes home with a stack of unwanted but must-sign papers, not to mention the other huge stacks I received from all of my other school-age children, too. I sifted through, battling my signature onto each page until my hand ached, but this particular stack of papers contained a letter that instructed me to […]

Stolen Bike

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When my seven-year-old learned to ride his bike a couple weeks ago, his proudest moment wasn’t pedaling by himself, it was riding alongside his older brother, the one he looks up to and emulates. His older brother took pride in riding next to his little brother. Suddenly, bike-riding was on the menu, daily, and both […]

Actual Letter Sent to My Son’s Teacher

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Ms. Teacher-Person-I-Won’t-Name, Yet again, my son came home in an absolute puddle of tears because of some pen-clicking incident you gave him a conduct mark for. A conduct mark for pen-clicking? Really? You know, instead of punishing him for finishing early and being bored, is there not ANYTHING you can give him to do, or […]