It’s these last few days/weeks before giving birth that feel like I’m “on borrowed time” with my children. Life will undoubtedly change after this newest addition is born. With each and every upcoming birth, along with the excitement and anticipation of a new life, I can’t help but feel this almost-sadness, that life will not be like this anymore, causing me to really drink in every moment spent with all my babies.
My youngest, only 20 months, will not be the baby anymore. There will be times, once this new baby arrives, where she will want me, and I will undoubtedly not be able to attend to her.
I recall feeling this way with my now 4 year old, when my 20 month old was due to arrive any day. Cherishing the nightly snuggles we’d share which would get him to sleep. I was jealous after coming home from the hospital with my youngest to find he no longer needed me to get to sleep at night, he was doing just fine with daddy. Even that first month, the fight I half expected of him wanting me to go to sleep with instead of my husband never happened. And instead of being thankful, I was saddened instead.
Before that, it was an ‘up all night’ movie/game night the night before I was induced, pregnant with my now 4 year old. Junk food, movies, games and whatever else you can think of ‘party’. After bedtime, I sat and weeped, excited but knowing after tomorrow would never be just us again.
My older ones are ‘old hats’ at this. They’re well versed in what it’s like to bring home a new baby. A new baby means being more patient, because the new baby doesn’t know how to wait. They are mommy’s “big helpers” because they are old enough to really help in many ways, and feel empowered by doing so. They’re the ‘older ones’, and like being titled as such. They’re the big kids now (almost too big). It helps me include them and still attend to the baby. But once the new little one falls asleep (and luckily in the beginning, they do a lot of that), it’s just mommy and children time. I make sure that they know they’re still just as important, even if the littlest addition demands a lot from me. And even with them being ‘old hats’, it sure doesn’t make it any easier for me to ‘let go’ and to realize there will be compromises for a while.
So in these last few days/weeks, I make extra time for coloring, for board games, for snuggles. More so than normal. And it’s beginning to get harder to contain the tears when they’re close and in my arms and I’m cherishing these perfect times together. Life is just too good to change, even though this change will bring another family member and excitement and more love than anyone can imagine, it’s still hard to say goodbye to these perfect times. It seems almost impossible to top this kind of perfect we have.
Yet it happens every time.
