There’s a couple struggles going on within my extended family right now – struggles we’ve contended with for some time. Those that, no matter how much we pour into it, it seems to chew us up and spit us out with fury.
Turmoil, if you will.
The past week or so has been a blur of phone calls and worry, amidst tears, anger and frustration sprinkled for good measure. My husband and myself (not to mention our extended families) are running the gamut of every emotion while trying to put on the parent face for the kids.
Parenting isn’t ever an easy thing, and it’s made twice as hard when you’re struggling internally with something you don’t want to spill forth onto your children, so you internalize and compartmentalize, trying to keep yourself in check. It’s draining to say the least, to the point of almost feeling numb and inadequate, despite their beautiful, joyous faces celebrating life as only kids can do. With everything going on inside, how do you process that? You know?
I’m trying to immerse myself something fierce into their little lives, injecting my tormented mind into our daily rituals of water and fun and coloring and snuggles and I feel like I’m failing because my mind won’t let me let go there, no matter how hard I fight the anger and feelings I feel. No matter how hard I shove them deep down there, they won’t let me be.
I’m struggling and even more so because I can’t just scream out at the world that I’m mad, and sad, and angry. I’m a mom. A parent. The kids don’t need to know mommy’s hurting.
Never miss a post! Subscribe here for all kinds of crazy parenting fun!