Do you ever get that tight feeling in your chest, like someone’s sitting on it, forcing you to huff and puff through tears, inhaling with all your might as you fight off sobs?
These crying moments are fleeting, I know, it’s part of being a woman (a super-sensitive one, in fact), but sometimes the overwhelming nature of it all just smacks me square in the mouth from out of no where, leaving me confused and feeling really stupid.
Sometimes, I get them for no reason.
Sometimes, I get them because I’m angry, and not actually sad.
Heck, I get them watching sad shows or commercials (yeah, I’m one of those).
I’ve always been a pretty sensitive person, and unfortunately, always embarrassed by my sensitivity. I think I look ugly when I cry, and rarely want to do it in front of others. Ever.
When I worked in an office at a car dealership, a couple weeks away from delivering my oldest son, I recall leaving for the last time as an employee. My time there was over, I was temporary fill-in for their permanent secretary, who had been on maternity leave and was now back. I knew it was over, and while I hadn’t grown to be the best of friends with anyone there, I still cried the big ‘ol ugly cry when I left.
And it was sooo embarrassing. It was business as usual when I left, I hadn’t left my mark, or anything there. What gives? Why on earth did I care so much?
Why do I have to always cry when the soldier comes home on TV? Or the child is born? Or at the end of My Best Friend’s Wedding when Julia Roberts gives Dermot Mulroney “their” song to dance to at the end, conceding defeat?
Today I feel the same.
Today is one of those days where, nothing especially earth-shattering has happened, except I feel pretty in-friggin-finitesimile in the world today, and so, my body’s reaction to such a puny feeling is to cry incessantly, drip salty water from my eyeballs, and generally feel stupid for having two X chromosomes.
Eh, the joys of womanhood, I guess?
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