Have you ever awakened to be greeted by a stranger-than-normal day? As if your alarm clock’s ring was the theme song to the Twilight Zone, and everything you do and experience feels strange, pegging your day as one best spent in bed instead of trying to get anything done? That was my day yesterday.
I woke up to my eleven-year-old, Captain Obvious. picking out my seven-year-old’s outfit for him for school. She NEVER picks out his outfit. “What are you doing?” I asked her.
“I’m getting his clothes..” she muttered to me, as she sifted through his folded clothes on his bed (y’know, the ones he forgot to put away the night before).
“Uh.. okay? Why?” I asked, wiping the sleep from my eyes.
“I don’t know…” she couldn’t answer, she just continued her task, slightly smiling.
As she continued to choose his clothes, I watched her grab all the right things, pulling out a pair of jeans, a button-up shirt, and underwear. I shrugged, knowing I had a laundry list of other things to tackle that school morning, I walked away to let her do it. I went about what I had to do without giving it another thought, other than trying to shrug it off in it’s weirdness. I appreciated the help, but it was just… odd.
The kids all seemed off, actually. I had to constantly remind them of simple things, and even I was having trouble clearing the fog from my head. But, amazingly enough, despite the strangeness of the morning already, we still managed to achieve leaving early. I snapped the baby into her car seat securely and off we went for school drop-offs.
Not even five minutes from home, Baby V began fussing. She NEVER fusses this early in a car trip, not since the beginning. In fact, she’s been doing a lot better in the car lately. More oddities. By the time we pulled up to the middle school (ten minutes away), she was full-fledged crying with real crocodile tears. I hadn’t nursed her before we left, I realized, and I pulled into a guest parking spot, let the kids out, and took the extra five minutes I had being early to nurse her quiet in the back seat.
Once she was quiet and happy and fed and burped, I continued on, realizing that I was pushing it, now, to make it to the elementary school for my son on time. It didn’t seem to matter much, though, because the second I opened the sliding door to greet my elementary schooler, Super M, I noticed his shirt (the one his sister picked out) – it was filthy. FIL-FREAKIN-THY.
She had picked out a dirty shirt that was, oddly, stacked with his clean clothes on his bed. Apparently, he had taken off his clothes and never put them in the laundry (not a shock) but, what was odd was that it wasn’t still on the floor, crumpled like his dirty laundry normally is, but stacked with the CLEAN clothes, and SHE didn’t notice the stains at all? And HE didn’t notice them while putting it on, either? A white button down shirt? I mean, COME ON, he had to be STARING at the stains to get it buttoned! What the hell!?
“OH, COME ON, DAMMIT!” as I shut the door and drove off to go home to get him a change of clothes.
I kept reminding myself that she was trying to help… but I still cannot believe neither SHE nor HE saw the brown spots all over his white shirt (like he smeared chocolate milk, cookies, or mud on his shirt). GAH! What was going on!?!
Once dropped at school, I drove into the driveway to make my invisible stuff discovery with my fertilizer guns. I could literally hear the Twilight Zone music echoing in my ears, still. So weird.
After slurping a few cups of coffee, working out, and getting a peaceful-but-quick shower all to myself (YES!!!), I remember feeling so up and full of life on the way to my lunch date with Sara. I kept thinkin’, “Today’s going to be a GREAT rest of the day!” with the sun shining, the kids all happy and eager to play at Chick-Fil-A with a new friend, and mom was going to get some adult conversation (yes!!).
I should’ve known the Twilight Zone-esque vibes would ruin it, when I caught a glimpse of my daughter’s ass in the bench seat unsuspectingly. “What the.. baby!?” I whisper-yelled, “You’re not wearing any UNDERWEAR!?!?!?”
Baby Sis cowered in her seat a little without answering me.
She.was.wearing.a.dress.
“What the….” and Sara and I shared a laugh. But seriously, how do you NOT REMEMBER UNDERWEAR? Didn’t she feel a little “breezy” down south?
I sat there in disbelief for a bit, my poor baby was going to have to sit there, now, next to the glass window, and watch all these other kids play to their heart’s content and she couldn’t, because she had no freakin’ underwear, and I wasn’t going to let her flash everyone her ‘cookies’ all commando-style.
Dammittohellandbackagain!
But my day wasn’t made complete, yet. Baby V was put in her car seat temporarily while I attempted to put my son’s diaper on my underwear-less daughter, so she could try to play a little (which lasted all of five seconds, she’s been out of diapers for years, she didn’t want that thing on anymore than I wanted to put it on her). Upon lifting Baby V from the car seat, I smelled her baby breastfed poo – mostly odorless, it has that unmistakeable smell to it that I immediately recognized. Sure enough, she had exploded in her car seat, out her diaper, and onto her outfit.
WHAT IS IT WITH MY KIDS AND CLOTHING TODAY!? I thought-yelled in my head to myself.
I finally got her cleaned up and changed, finally got a few more bites of my delicious salad in my belly, and after a few more (interrupted) conversations by my rambunctious littles, we were about to leave, when my wardrobe decided to malfunction, too. (Thankfully, not Janet Jackson style. Ahem.)
My $30+ Sanuk left sandal busted – the strap came unglued from the yoga mat bottom, and now I couldn’t keep the sandal under my foot. (Have you ever tried to walk with a broken sandal? It’s IMPOSSIBLE!) I hobbled to the garbage can, back to the table, and out to my car, schlepping slowly in a busy, lunch-time parking lot, cars whizzing by, take-out line long and crazy, and there I was, gimping along, trying to get to my car and seated so I could go home and make sense of my weird day. I figured I could patch my sandal with Super Glue or something, but seriously? Could anything more possibly happen? Or was this really it for me today?
Have you ever had a day that went non-stop wrong for you? (Or am I the only one with this sort-of “luck?”)
