20 Reasons Why I’m Probably The ONLY Parent Not Looking Forward to School

by Lisa Douglas

only parent not looking forward to school

  1. School supply lists that read like old-fashioned encyclopedia sets. THEY.NEVER.END. Not to mention, they are NEVER all available at the same store. You have to go to several stores just to get it all.
  2. The final cost of the aforementioned school supply lists. I could feed a small country with the amount I spend.
  3. School clothes shopping. Because the kids outnumber me, I only go with my husband, and my husband would rather get ravaged by a starving bear than go shopping EVER, let alone clothes shopping, so you can imagine how fun this is.
  4. Back to school nights that feel more like circuses to me. I keep looking around to see if some guy in a big hat is whipping at the parent-animals to go where he wants us to.
  5. Not finding out until last minute that your child will get a gym locker for football, and you’re suddenly a lock purchase short. (More crap to buy.)
  6. Finding out that, because my oldest son will have a sports locker, you’re going to need a second deodorant and set of shampoo/body wash because he’ll be showering at school after his practice before school. MORE CRAP TO BUY ARGHHH!
  7. After the fortune you already spent on school supplies, your oldest, who’s in high school, hasn’t even received her school supply lists yet. And won’t, until the first day of school. And every teacher will give her a list. Even MORE crap to buy!!! ZOMG!
  8. The wait to get a school sports physical. You have to book that sh!t in March to be seen before school starts, or else you pay one meeeellion dollars to get it done at a pay-as-you-go walk-in clinic.
  9. No more sleeping late. NOOOOOOOOOO!
  10. Being expected to drive after getting up at the butt-crack of dawn.
  11. Being expected to make it on time with eleventy-billion kids dressed, hair-brushed, teeth-brushed, lunches prepared, and bags packed, after getting up at the butt-crack of dawn.
  12. Football practice that begins at 6:45am. Yes, you read that right. AM as in, MORNING. He has to be there at that time to start. Backtrack that for a sec and figure out how DING DANG EARLY we’re going to have to get up to get him fed and awake beforehand.
  13. Being expected to function in order to drive your football player to his practice at 6:45am. HOLY CATS!
  14. Grocery shopping suddenly costs a fortune because of all the extra stuff we buy to prepare for school lunches. Even planning carefully, we still spend a small fortune.
  15. The drop-off lines. It never fails, they are always a mess despite the careful planning involved. That and some parents are douche-canoes behind the wheel. (Yeah, I said it.)
  16. Seeing your child off to kindergarten for the first time. (NO! I DON’T WANT TO!)
  17. Knowing your child is away from you with strangers for the first time in her life. (I hope they let me volunteer A LOT.)
  18. The pick-up lines. Often worse than drop-off, because you always have those freakish people who are there two hours early just to be first in line.
  19. Homework. Blerg.
  20. Most important reason: I’m going to miss my kids. So so sooooooo much.

What about you? Are you not looking forward to school?

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