My texts to husband-type-person this morning were not happy ones.
Eigh. Teen. Times. I said the F word to him in texts.
I know, what a potty mouth, that’s sooo bad. But look, when I, myself, get up ON TIME and go to fix my beloved coffee, realizing that it’s still dark upstairs, that means my football-playin’ son didn’t get up on time.
So I derail my much anticipated, coffee-preparing happiness to walk up the freakin’ stairs to find out what’s up, only to be met by him ARGUING WITH ME about whether or not it’s time to come out from under his turtle shell of a comforter.
When I had finally wrestled this near-hundred-pound kid from his bed to a standing position, and downstairs to get coffee, I realized it was already 6am, and I was already running behind. Lovely.
And it never got better.
My son literally SAT at the table staring at his hardboiled egg instead of eating it, and, as a result of his sluggishness, we didn’t leave until 6:30. That is WAY later than the proposed 6:10!
While I’m out, driving his tired butt, already fuming, I get passed illegally by a maniacal d-bag on the highway while I’m doing the speed limit (!!!!), which only further aggravates me.
And it just didn’t get better.
Elementary school kids had “storybook character day” today, complete with a parade I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT. So there I am, struggling to get them dressed up as Rapunzel and Clark Kent/Superman (sorry, no pictures, momma could barely keep it together let alone snap any this morning). only to be running late out the door since I got back late originally from the football practice run.
AND THE SCHOOL. HOLY CRAP, THE SCHOOL WAS A RIDICULOUS NIGHTMARE OF CRAZY, SLEEP-DEPRIVED PARENTS WHO PARKED AWKWARDLY ALL OVER THE ROADS, ONLY TO WALK OUT IN FRONT OF MOVING VEHICLES TO HURRY.
I circled that @#$*@&#$(@#$& parking lot twice before I finally parked (also illegally) in the yellow striped handicap section, just in time for a d-bag mom, all uppity ‘n bitchy, to huff and puff that she thought my parking job sucked and that I parked too close to her precious, sparkly SUV.
OH NO SHE DI’INT!
There were no curse words said by me, but I told that lady in a very clear and concise way just where she could shove her opinion, and then I wished her a nice day with a smile, because that’s how I roll. And while her window was rolled down, I told my children to ignore the wench and let Princess McBitchyPants to pull out before they got out, because GOD FORBID THEY BREATHE ON HER VEHICLE. Her look of shock was my favoritest thing this morning, she never knew what hit her. Uppity SUV-drivin’ jerkweed, BOOM. SERVED.
I then continued to ATTEMPT to make it physically INTO the school, with eleventy-billion parents apparently LOST with grandma and grandpas everywhere you looked, all clumped and all excited to see little Johnny wearing his costume and walk down the hall. Woo!
And there’s me, hair barely in a bun, almost dressed, coffee-deprived and cranky, meandering with a heavy infant in hands while corralling two excitable kids through the myriad of folks stuffed like sardines in every corner of EVERYWHERE, making me simultaneously claustrophobic and STABBY.
And oh, since I didn’t remember the parade, and wasn’t prepared for it, I couldn’t simply go home and get my Baby Dude changed (who is still at home asleep with my oldest), because the parade started shortly after the bell rings. So, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t attend the parade, even though it’s my kindergartner’s FIRST EVER PARADE AT SCHOOL.
I’m TOTALLY WINNING at life, right!?
Ohhhh it gets EVEN better!
Feeling totally dejected and wanting to scream out in tears at the situation, I walked my kindergartner to class, giving her a quickie drive-by kiss and see, from the corner of my eye, a stranger bending over in the room attending to the kids. I just figured it was a parent or a helper I didn’t recognize, since I don’t know nearly everyone yet, and so I continued on my way. It was only when I came home and read my email this morning that I realized I had one from her kindergarten teacher saying she’s sick and won’t be at school today. My daughter currently has her first substitute teacher, and I don’t know how she’s going to handle it.
*insert F word number nineteen here*
I know some day I will look back, fondly, at their childhood and long for the days when they were little. But TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.
Meanwhile, this weekend is DAYLIGHT SAVINGS? Lovely.
And while I should be all happy to get an extra hour of well-deserved sleep, this daylight savings crap only FURTHER screws up the already screwed up mornings we encounter daily.
I don’t need it being completely dark and anymore sleepytime for my too-lazy-to-get-up kids more than it already is. And getting dark earlier just plain sucks. I love Halloween and Fall and Winter and the Holidays but I hate it getting dark earlier!! I would gladly go without the extra hour of sleep for that extra hour of sunlight.
Who invented this ridiculous idea anyway? Was it clockmakers or someone who’ll make extra money messing with all the people who will throw their alarm clocks against the wall, breaking them while the watch-wearers will HULK SMASH theirs when they are late the first couple of days? What the hell is this whole thing about? I smell a conspiracy!
What I do know is, I am going to pray over my copious amounts of coffee that I will be drinking this morning that the SUCK ENDS NOW, and that TODAY and THIS WEEKEND WILL BE BETTER.
PLEASE? And THANK YOU!
Soooo… how was your morning? Please tell me it was nowhere near as sucktastic as mine. And how do YOU feel about Daylight Savings thing? Love it? Hate it? Bring on the sleep?