Dear Remote-Stealer,
I am one of those creature-of-habit-type people, who likes to put something where it belongs after I use it (I know, novel idea. Work with me, little people). When I use the toilet, I put the seat down! When I brush my hair, I put the brush back in the basket under the sink! When I use the phone, I put it back on the hook (I know, deep breaths. Crazy talk I’m speakin’, eh?). And, when I use the remote, I put it in my handy-dandy, not-so-secret-hiding-spot on the entertainment tower next to the Wii.
Do you know why I put it there? I put it there so I can eliminate the shorter half of the kidlet folks from interrogation when it goes missing. BECAUSE IT ALWAYS GOES MISSING. AL-WAYS. MISS-ING. Do you know why it always goes missing? When one of the taller half takes it and doesn’t put. it. back. where. it. goes. That’s why. Then, I get the lovely, night-ruining task of having to interrogate all of you, and tear my almost-decently-clean living room, dining room, kitchen, hall, extra room and wherever else apart. And keep doing it until it is finally found.
Miraculously, somehow, whenever one of your teeny, tiny, grubby fingers lays a hand on it, it becomes the Houdini Remote™, and vanishes it’s channel-changing awesome into thin air. Even husband-type-person, you know you have a way in participating in it’s vanishing act, too.
Please stop leaving it any ol’ place, and just put it back where it belongs! Baby Dude thinks it’s a chew toy. Baby Sis pounds eleventy-billion buttons to put “Mittey Mouse Cwubhouse” on, but in actuality attempts to delete half our DVR and watch R-rated TV. That is, if the backing doesn’t get peeled apart by some child who-shall-remain-nameless {cough*Major Spaz*cough}.
Please, just put it back, that’s all I ask. Father-type person and I like to sit and watch the drool-box at the end of the mind-melting, fast-paced, Oh-my-God-I-have-six-kids, my-legs-are-on-fire day, and we like to veg out to the boob tube, and can’t, if our remote is missing.
If you get up, remote in hand and decide to stop watching T.V., just walk over and put it up, and walk away – that’s all! Same as hanging up your towels after you dry off, y’know? Or putting away your toys when you’re done playing. Putting laundry in the hamper when you’re done wearing ’em. Eh, you checked out, huh? I’m not speakin’ Greek. {fingersnap} I’m over here. Nod your head, sounds easy, right?
{A collective groan “Yes, mooooooooom.”}
Alright, team. Let’s kick some butt in the ol’, putting stuff where it’s supposed to go department, kids. Thanks for listening, kiddos. Good game. You too, my biggest kiddo a.k.a Hubster.
Love, Mom
(P.S. I’m totally talking to a wall, aren’t I? Crap!)
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