Dear Doctor Jerkface

Maybe you were too busy. You had just celebrated the office baby shower for your wife. You’re expecting your first daughter, I get it, I understand. You were floating on air and having to return to work after a pink and chocolate cake and baby-type festivities, and you were oh-so-ecstatic to show me all the wonderful prezzies and hoop-la on your new iPhone.

But, I wasn’t there to ooh and aah the fuss for your new arrival, I was there, for a second time in two days, because my children were sick. You could’ve come down from cloud-nine long enough to give my children a thorough inspection and listen to their tired mother’s pleas. I know my children better than you, a doctor who’s only ever seen them once before, I knew they were becoming quite ill, but they weren’t sick “enough” for you, and so, you sent us on our merry way with nothing but the same ‘ol stuff I’d already been giving them that wasn’t working.

And they got sicker.

So sick, in fact that, over the weekend, my toddler ran a 104 fever.

We returned to the doctor’s office on Monday, third time in five days, this time, with their baby brother in tow. Yes, my Baby Dude now had it, too, and with his baby lungs, baby sinuses and baby nasal passages so rightfully gunked up, he was suffering worse. Verdict? Ear infections for Baby Sis and Kindergarten Dude, but Baby Dude? Seemingly “just a virus” because his had only just begun. Packed with germ-fighting meds for two of my three sickies, we returned home without help for my youngest.

And he got sicker.

Upon returning, yet again, (to keep up, fourth time in a week) to the doctor to get him checked out, his verdict? Bronchitis. {Insert expletives here}

So you see, “Doctor,” because of your lack of a good, thorough investigation and laziness, my Baby Dude is now sicker than he’s ever been in his entire baby life. Thanks for that. I hope your baby shower cake was delicious, and that you’re enjoying your preparations for your little girl while we’re here suffering, fighting hard to make my youngest well again in hopes of spending my Kindergartner’s birthday out of the hospital this year, unlike last year.

Thanks so much for your “great” attention. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe I have a breathing treatment to administer to a helpless 20-month old.


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