Things That Make Mom Go Batshit (New Series) – The Shoe Bandit

Welcome to a new series on Crazy Adventures in Parenting entitled “Things That Make Mom Go Batshit” – a look into the little, insane annoyances that can make a perfectly sane mother (ahem) lose her marbles in 2.3 seconds flat. Come, commiserate with me! Pull up a coffee cup and share with me your woes, friends!

I’m one of those people that puts things away in the same spot everyday. My flip-flops get slid off my feet right at the door, for easy on-and-off maneuvers with full hands. Plus, leaving them by the door all the time, I know where they are when I need them. All shoes usually get removed at the front door, and hopefully placed in the coat closet, so that my children can have that same confidence in knowing where their shoes are, too. (You see where this is going, don’t you?)

My favorite sneakers (next to my running shoes, that is) remained on my feet inside the house one day, with a fast and furious dinner being prepared while I divided my focus between kids outside with my needing to cook inside. I did my normal split parental, mom-needs-more-than-two-hands-and-one-body thing. And I recall accidentally spilling boiling water on my foot, and screeching to my oldest son, “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOOFF!” because it had seeped through the mesh on my sneakers and onto my toes. OWIE! He came to my rescue, flinging my shoe off somewhere, and that’s the last we’ve ever seen of it. Ever. From that day forward, I’ve had one shoe. That’s it. The shoe gremlins crept up and got it while I was wounded.

And because my love of that pretty pink New Balance shoe is so strong, and I’m such a money-saving die-hard pain in the ass, I refuse to get a new pair, because Murphy’s Law ‘n all, that sucker will pop up the second I rip the tags off the new shoe (you know what I’m talkin’ about).

MISSING: One comfy, pretty pink-and-white shoe. 

But my shoe isn’t the only one being held hostage in this house somewhere by ghosts, one of my son’s new Converse he wanted for school is now missing, too. His sister was cleaning off the stairs, and says she put it in front of his closet. He looked for it. She looked for it.

“Are you sure you put BOTH upstairs?”


And then they, collectively, looked for it together. Even I, in my all-seeing, magical mom powers went up and tore through his room with my keen set of parental eyes, but no dice, he has only one shoe that we can find.

What gives? What is so enticing about my boiling water pink shoe? And my SON’S!? Do you LIKE preteen foot sweat, Shoe Bandit?

So yeah. Apparently, our shoes are hiding out ‘n having a shoe party with the ol’ Shoe Bandit. Hopefully they don’t overindulge, get wickedly dirty, and reappear sometime again soon. I miss my sneaks, yo!

Now, tell me.. what made you go batshit this week?

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