Top 10 Things Parenting Books Don’t Tell You (and I Wish They Did!)

Oh, if only there was some magical book out there that cracked the “kid” code of all the goofy stuff they constantly do that makes you scratch your head. I’ve compiled a list of the Top Ten things I wish they WOULD put in those parenting books:

  • Why, after you spend your time washing, drying, folding, and separating into appropriate piles, why it always ends up on the floor/bed/chair/end table/desk… (That is, if they take it upstairs to begin with)What the heck? Day-old laundry on the floor
  • Why are computers so fascinating to little ones? And why, oh why, must they bash on them (and other important items) like a drum? Why are babies fascinated with expensive electronics?
  • Why adding one little body into your big king-sized bed suddenly means no room for anyone to sleep?Kids take over the bedNo sleep for parents. Ever.
  • Why children have a fascination with stashing things instead of putting them away. Evidence here: Dude. Put yo' stuff away, fool! And here:Baby humps decor. What the what? And here:Toy telescope in the fridge. Isn't that where that goes?
  • Why is wearing food a “thing?”Icing on the face. Yeah buddy.
  • How do children have pinpoint laser-like accuracy to zero in on dad’s junk?Hitting dad in the balls. Awesome.
  • Why paper isn’t an acceptable item to write on? Kids draw on everyfrigginthing
  • Why, if it isn’t staring them in their faces, can’t they look for something themselves? Case and point – the Rotten Meat Van™ incident:Chicken Roaster left in the car after grocery shopping = The Rotten Meat Van
  • Why are kids allergic to taking off their clothes appropriately? Inside Out Disorder, or IOD for short.
  • And last, but certainly not least..Why can’t they fall asleep somewhere normal. Like, in a bed?! Kids sleep anywhere, even going up the stairs.Kids sleep anywhere, even in the blanket basket.Kids sleep anywhere, even standing upKids sleep anywhere, even standing upKids sleep anywhere and everywhere

What would YOU add to this list? I can’t wait to hear it!

Despite their crazy stuff, I love it all. Every last second, including this one that seems just like yesterday. Meeting their baby sister for the first time. Those parenting books never tell you about the tremendous amount of love that is possible.

(And that your children will likely and simultaneously explode your heart from love and make you a lunatic.)