Charles Barkley & TNT Could Learn a Thing or Two from Dove #BeautyIs #ProudSAWoman

Charles Barkley – what kind of man are you? What kind of husband are you? What kind of father are you? Do you think your daughter, Christiana, appreciated the remarks you gave to thousands of women the other day calling all of San Antonio’s women “fat” and the city of San Antonio a “gold mine […]

Why I Advocate for Valentine’s, Holiday, and Birthday Parties at School

I know a lot of you are cursing the decorated shoeboxes on your tables right now. Your kids might be out cold, napping their Valentine’s parties off. Or, maybe, they’re outside running laps around the dog, spazzing from all the sugar and artificial dyes, tunneling their way through the snow to China, who knows. I […]

Hulk Mom Breaks Again – Thank Goodness for Grills

Soooooo, remember how I just said I grill everything? I couldn’t wait to share more fun, grilling posts with you, to include grilling our dinner earlier this week which consisted of grilled chicken patties, chicken nuggets, breaded cod, and fries. SO YUM! The grill really adds a crisp smoky-ness to it, and it’s too delicious, […]

Parent Math

1 mom 2 vacuumed rooms 3 windows and doors opened because of the vacuum sucking up something that smelled like it was burning 3 meals cooked 3 cups of coffee consumed 2 trips back and forth to pick up and drop off teenager to work 4.5 loads of laundry washed and folded 5 school lunches […]

Today Can Suck It

Have you ever had a day that began with burning the roof of your mouth accidentally on a warmed cinnamon roll, skinning the roof of your mouth, making fresh coffee and anything else hot too painful to consume? While you’re licking your wounds and cursing all things heated, you stumble around in your non-caffeinated state […]

Mourning a Monday Gone Wrong

Oh, holy hell. Monday was a hot mess. More than a Monday usually is. My 5+ year account was hacked, which lead to a barrage of phone calls to everyoneandtheirmother to change passwords, cancel accounts and cards and “block” and “identity theft paperwork” and a whole slew of sh!t I never want to deal with […]

Grief-Stricken, Helping Newtown, and Saying Thank You

Today’s alarm was a cruel one. Monday mornings are always particularly tougher than any other day of the week, specifically because it comes on the heels of two straight days of a little freedom and some extra shut-eye. The routine is back in session, work will commence, kids will go back to class and have […]

Why Can’t Moms Take a Sick Day?

Do you know how hard it is to sob quietly with a sleeping infant on your chest? I tried so hard not to get sick alongside the kids, but each and every single day I go to school and see children hacking and coughing all over themselves, I just grow angrier and angrier. This ear […]

Doctor’s Appointment of Doom™

I think you can safely assume that, after what we went through, I do my best to stay away from the doctor. We already feed them well, give them daily vitamins, but they’re kids and inevitably they’ll get sick. But I think you can surely understand why I secretly wimper and shake uncontrollably when walking […]

Words I Never Thought I’d Say as a Parent

It’s 1:17am, and nothing says, “Happy Early Birthday, Mom!” like boys whizzing in the middle of the night in strange places. You know, there’s a lot of tough jobs we’d rather not do, but have to do as parents. Clean up puke? Check. Have the sex talk? Check. Wipe up boy’s pee from behind the […]

The Post in Which Mom Asks for a Maid for Her Birthday

Life is like a freaking Gravitron around here lately. Ohmyword, the nauseating spinning. Have you ever ridden on the Gravitron? That spinny wheel of death at your local fair that sucks you up the wall as it spins faster and faster, as you feel your cheeks press against your earlobes and your stomach contents rise […]

Parents, Let’s Talk Boys and Underwear, Shall We?

Okay, fellow parents. We need to talk. How many of you out there are parents to boys? Now that all three of my boys are all using the restroom (not necessarily properly, buuuuut…), I have a question for you – do you find it difficult to keep them IN their underwear? And I’m not referring to […]

Parents, Please Read: Your Kids Are Going Hungry

I’m not even sure where to begin with this post, so bear with me while I battle to get this all out. I began this school year like any other, with excited kids and coffee-propelled abilities to orchestrate my children out the door on time in their shiny new duds. I promised this year I’d stay on top […]

I Said the F Word Eighteen Times, and Daylight Savings Can Suck It

My texts to husband-type-person this morning were not happy ones. Eigh. Teen. Times. I said the F word to him in texts. I know, what a potty mouth, that’s sooo bad. But look, when I, myself, get up ON TIME and go to fix my beloved coffee, realizing that it’s still dark upstairs, that means my […]

Dear Wednesday – You Sucked. Bring on Thursday. Love, Lisa

Maybe it was sprinting up the stairs after twenty-minutes had gone by before I realized her alarm didn’t go off. It could have been the fog that draped over everything, blinding you while you drove, causing parents to drop off their kids in droves, and drive maniacally in order to do so. Perhaps it may […]

Alls Fair in Love and Arachnophobia

Everyday at around 2:30pm-ish, after starting the car and letting it cool down, I gather up the babies to go pick up the elementary schoolers. I don’t know why “it” caught my eye, Friday, but “it” did. I saw something was “stuck” to my passenger side van door. It looked…. hairy. I feared getting too […]

Mornings From Hell™

When it was told to us that my son’s football practice would be at 6:15am BEFORE SCHOOL, I panicked. Six kids would be sleeping, to include a fussy infant. What would I do? How would I work this? How COULD I do it? He didn’t know anyone else in our neighborhood on the team, and […]

Putting the Labor in Labor Day

For Labor Day, most folks had a barbecue, swam at the beach or at their local pool to celebrate the last moments of “summer.” The Douglas Family, however, said SCREW ALL THAT NORMAL CRAP and said siyonara to summer by cleanin’ out the ol’ garage. Who needed to swim when we were in puddles of […]

The Stolen Owl

I nervously clutched the yellow paper map the woman handed me. Her room was circled with her name written next to it. Room 109 right near the office. We took a slight detour, going through the other part of the school first, passing my son’s room, pointing out the library, eventually making way through the […]

20 Reasons Why I’m Probably The ONLY Parent Not Looking Forward to School

School supply lists that read like old-fashioned encyclopedia sets. THEY.NEVER.END. Not to mention, they are NEVER all available at the same store. You have to go to several stores just to get it all. The final cost of the aforementioned school supply lists. I could feed a small country with the amount I spend. School clothes shopping. […]

I’m The Jedi Master of Lost Crap

You know what’s weird? My memory sucks when it comes to my kids names when I need to call out to them (HEY YOU! YOU RIGHT THERE! THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO! WITH THE HAIR! C’MERE!), or remembering the car keys (because, y’know, locking yourself out the house is a fun way to spend an […]

Meet Lisa Douglas, Former Brace-Face

I was the unfortunate victim of being a thumb-sucker when I was young. This only helped my dentist (later orthodontist) stay in business, because I was quite addicted to that tasty kid-sized thumb. So addicted, in fact, I had created quite an overbite on myself, forcing my childhood dentist to give me a retainer in […]

Post-Conference Wear and Tear

Of all four flights I took to Charlotte, NC and back, the last, brief flight from Dallas was the oddball one. The flight attendant who checked me in could not give me a bulkhead seat (the larger row directly behind first class), so we were cramped in a regular coach seat, both V and me. […]

The Ant Massacre and My Eight-Year-Old Soldier

It was still somewhat early in the morning when I snuck out Coyote Ugly-esque from the grip of my three-month-old to hunt down some coffee. Still blurry-eyed and slow to move, I stumbled into the half-pantry half-laundry room, while the coffee brewed, to place my first load of laundry into the machine when I felt […]

Dear Potty Training Toddler: What The Crap? (Literally)

Oh, sweet Baby Dude. We need to have a talk. You are doing so marvelously well with going pee in the potty. You’re kind-of funny, because you are so obvious when it’s that time, because you grab your junk and go running, calling out to whomever’s around you to turn on the bathroom light. “Moooooooooooooom!” […]

Why Summer is Going To Kill Me

12pm After mom puts the baby to sleep, she mistakenly thinks she can actually get some work done since the kids are amusing themselves outside. 12:11pm – Eight-year-old comes in proclaiming he’s “bored.” I instruct him that there are many things he can do, or he can do chores, but he will NOT play video […]

My Toddler’s Impression of Rocky Balboa

“AAAAAAAAAAAAdriannn!” In all seriousness, he seems to have two marks around his eye – one red straight mark, implying he was hit by something with a straight edge, and another mark looks like a perfect bite by the corner of his eye, from an ant or the like. The straight-edge mark, though, is newer than […]