“Birdie Birth Control” – You Don’t Hear That One Every Day

porch birds

The @#*($&@#($@#*&$ birds are trying to make a nest on our porch again. The second I heard their evil, squawky peeps, I felt as though I had PTSD, and I immediately twitched tourrettes-like. I exploded out of the house, waved my hands like a freakin’ crazy lady and screamed “Get outta here!” My kids came [...]

If You Give a Mom a Coffee

If You Give a Mom a Coffee

It was just a typical morning of waking up, attempting to press the button on the Keurig, only to discover a mess I couldn’t leave alone. From there, it was just like “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” only it was “If You Give a Mom a Coffee.” If you give a mom a [...]

Sexiest Husband Alive

sexy husband cleaning the fridge

“You and your bionic nose,” he scoffed. “I’m telling you, baby, something is MOLDY in there!” I whined. Every time I opened the fridge, the whiff of mold socked me in the mouth. I was five feet away folding laundry, and my oldest son opened the fridge, and I could still smell it, even from [...]

Sanity Lost. Laser Gun of Doom… Free!

laser gun of doom™

We try to go on a walk every day, with Baby Dude riding his bike, and Baby V either in the stroller or the bike trailer. Today was no different, we left even earlier than normal so we could play at the park before we left to pick up the kids. As we rounded the climby thingie, [...]

Hell Has a Name, It’s Called “Yesterday”

smoke

Admittedly, in the waning days of summer, I let the house go. We were living too much in the moment, so busy with living these last summer days, I figured, once school started, that I’d get all Rambo on the chores and into Full House Cleaning Mode™. That is, until the enormity of the task [...]

Hulk Mom Breaks Again – Thank Goodness for Grills

broken oven glass collage

Soooooo, remember how I just said I grill everything? I couldn’t wait to share more fun, grilling posts with you, to include grilling our dinner earlier this week which consisted of grilled chicken patties, chicken nuggets, breaded cod, and fries. SO YUM! The grill really adds a crisp smoky-ness to it, and it’s too delicious, [...]

When Birds Attack – {Video Proof the Bird on my Porch Hates Me}

porch birds

I’ve spoken about our “pet” birdies on our porch before, sharing the images on Instagram about how cute they are, how excited the kids (and we) are about having front porch “pets.” See the parent birds? Aren’t they so cute? See the baby bird, how sweet he is, sleeping there? See those babies? Aren’t they [...]

Biscoff Spread? Challenge Accepted.

biscoff spread

I had just picked the kids up from school, and needed to stop by Walgreens for a couple forgotten provisions. I decided to check to see if they had any almonds available, and paused before their nut butter section. Biscoff. Spread. As in, spreadable Biscoff cookies. HOLY MOTHER. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (It did not disappoint.) I may [...]

Day at the Park Hilarity

baby v on the swing

After a busy morning of doing a lot of this… .. my butt was becoming numb and the sunshine was calling my name. “C’mon kids! Let’s gooooo!” It was FINALLY warm enough, FINALLY sunny, FINALLY walk-worthy weather, and it wasn’t too wet. Hooray! The swings, however, didn’t go over too well. I thought she might [...]

All I Want for Christmas… is Christmas

gift tag garland

I didn’t shop Black Friday. I didn’t shop Cyber Week. In fact, I believe there are a total of 3 or 4 presents purchased, and that’s because my husband went and got them. I have lists of things I want to get, but I can’t seem to even begin to look, let alone price, let [...]

The Post in Which Mom Asks for a Maid for Her Birthday

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Life is like a freaking Gravitron around here lately. Ohmyword, the nauseating spinning. Have you ever ridden on the Gravitron? That spinny wheel of death at your local fair that sucks you up the wall as it spins faster and faster, as you feel your cheeks press against your earlobes and your stomach contents rise [...]

Addicted to Dress Up

halloween family collage

Halloween’s over? I DON’T CARE. The costumes are still out. E-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. I figure, as long as there is lingering Halloween candy, we should celebrate with dress-up, no? Besides, I canNOT stand the adorableness of an infant in a tutu, ruffles, and headband. Evidence: CAN YOU DIE FROM CUTENESS OVERLOAD? I think so. We love dressing [...]

How NOT to Help Your Husband – Hilarious Guest Post from Hubby Himself

string-cheese-doodle

See this picture? This is a picture of my wife’s idea of “help” that she posted on Instragram the other day. Let me explain. At the start of this school year, my wife decided she would do her best to make sure that each day the kids were eating something interesting and different. Thus began [...]

Pumpkin “Carrot Cake” Oatmeal Pancakes with Protein

pumpkin carrot oatmeal protein pancakes

Yes, I did just say Pumpkin “Carrot Cake” Oatmeal Pancakes. Is your mouth watering yet? One of my most favoritest websites is Dashing Dish. Have you ever visited there before? Her site is gorgeous, the food is meticulous, her photography is superb, and I want to eat one of everything she creates because she finds [...]

New Candidate for Presidency. Mom.

mom for president

My son’s third grade class is learning all about the election right now, and his homework assignment last night was to write about what qualities he thinks are most important in a candidate. His answer totally surprised me and made me feel like a million bucks. I like the way he thinks, don’t you? Mom [...]

Taking Time For ME, the TGIF Version {Video}

lisa fashion dork

I AM SO GRATEFUL IT’S FRIDAY, YO! (I don’t think that comes as much of a surprise. Ahem.) Friday already started a little.. odd.. for me. See the video for more details on how my Friday could’ve gone VERY, VERY WRONG (but thankfully didn’t, because I *chose* to not let it ruin my day). Today [...]

Alls Fair in Love and Arachnophobia

dead spider

Everyday at around 2:30pm-ish, after starting the car and letting it cool down, I gather up the babies to go pick up the elementary schoolers. I don’t know why “it” caught my eye, Friday, but “it” did. I saw something was “stuck” to my passenger side van door. It looked…. hairy. I feared getting too [...]

Back to School, Back to Me

prettied me

I will readily admit I was vehemently against sending the kids back to school. I loved our lazy summer mornings, unlimited in-bed tickling wars chock-filled with wet bathing suits everywhere, squealing happy and tanned-skin kids, and a momma without a crazy, schedule-filled calendar of extra curriculars. I dreaded the 5:45am alarm for this year with [...]

Mom Mondays

v-swing-park

I fixed lunches and prepped new lunchboxes and felt the tiredness weigh me down like a brick dress. I could have probably fallen asleep on my feet if I’d have tried. I took craptastic pictures of those tasty lunches that I couldn’t share yesterday, and so I didn’t. In fact, I inadvertently took the day [...]

3.1 POUNDS LOST, BABY!!!

three pounds lost

(We interrupt this program to bring you a special announcement.) THREE-POINT-ONE MOTHER EFFING POUNDS, YO! WOOHOOO!! Okay, let me catch my breath. Y’see, I was SO FRIGGIN DEPRESSED two weeks ago about not seeing a change on the scale in a good way. I was eating healthy, and working out, what was wrong? Seeing that [...]

When My Smart Mouth Backfires

vowel

My daughter has been obsessssssssssed with money lately. She tries to steal the Monopoly and Life money DAILY, and the older kids have vowed/sworn on their lives/promised their first-born they will not.lose.any.pieces. this time, so they are all over her about not taking the game money. The squeals and fighting have been a ton of [...]

Dessert for Dinner

dessert for dinner table

Once upon a time, a mom wanted to do something special for her kids, to make up for their missed vacation. She opened up her web browser, and clicked on a few of her favorite bookmarked recipes, and solidly mixed, sifted, stirred, baked and created magic for almost four hours. The result? Dessert for dinner [...]

I’m The Jedi Master of Lost Crap

jedi-master-of-lost-stuff

You know what’s weird? My memory sucks when it comes to my kids names when I need to call out to them (HEY YOU! YOU RIGHT THERE! THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO! WITH THE HAIR! C’MERE!), or remembering the car keys (because, y’know, locking yourself out the house is a fun way to spend an [...]

Sponge Bomb Tutorial

how to make sponge bombs water fun for kids

In searching for summer fun awesomeness on Pinterest, I came across this adorable post idea for “Sponge Bombs.” (Not Sponge Bob, which I inadvertently say EVERY. FREAKING. TIME.) Sponge Bombs are essentially cut-up colorful kitchen sponges, zip-tied together* in the middle, and moistened to become wet sponge “balls” to throw and play tag with. Sounds spectacularly awesome, [...]

My Twelve Year Old Photographer. Look! It’s a Tree!

mom-picture-fail

My oldest son had an important task this weekend. He was the camera-holder while I held Baby V and the diaper bag. He took his job quite seriously, and I could see how eager he was to use it himself. He’s always been interested in the camera, just a little itchy on his trigger finger. [...]

“Did That Just Happen?” Parenting Moments

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Ever have “those” moments? Those “WTF?” worthy parenting moments that make you wonder if you’re in the Twilight Zone or a lunatic with offspring? Yeah. Those moments. We’ve all had ‘em. Some days are better than others, and sometimes we do things that make us question our sanity. We all have coping mechanisms that get [...]

A Pregnancy Haircut Before Birth? Gulp.

pregnancy haircut

Today I had an all-important doctor’s appointment to get my 39-week Are-you-ready-to-give-birth-yet? check (that crazy update will occur with tomorrow’s post complete with belly pics). As I stood up from the table, I noticed the mirror on the back of the exam room’s door. (Have you all noticed this, too? Why do doctor’s exam rooms each have [...]